


A fallen Angel

by ScarletEyes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Deceit (mentioned) - Freeform, Fallen Angels, Gen, Guardian Angels, Heavy Angst, I made a happy ending!, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Logince - Freeform, Platonic Lamp/Calm - Freeform, Platonic Moxiety, Prinxiety - Freeform, Sanders Sides angst, Sleep/Remy (mentioned), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Until proven otherwise, Virgil Angst, all relationship are platonic, analogical - Freeform, but not in the first!, focus around Moxiety, implied romantic Logicality, no happy ending, or the start of one, patton angst, royality, well maybe in the second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-12 18:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17472878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletEyes/pseuds/ScarletEyes
Summary: Patton is worried about Virgil as he hasn’t shown up to his job in Patton’s bakery in a while. So one day he decides to pay his best friend a visit. And to be honest... it’s all downhill from there.Will Patton be on time to save his friend from himself? And who will save him?Huge trigger warning!!! There’s multiple mentions of suicide and suicide attempts in this story! Don’t read if that is triggering to you in any way.





	1. Hitting rock bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Another warning! This fic can be very triggering, and is solemnly about suicide! Don’t read this if you can’t handle it!!!
> 
> Please stay safe everyone! 
> 
> And remember there’s always someone left behind!

It’s funny when you think about it. Just a few months ago his best friend was in the exact same situation Patton was in right now. And just like Patton, nobody had seen it coming. Sure, there had been the self deprecating joke here and there and maybe sometimes those gave you the feeling that something was wrong. But you simply laughed and moved on, maybe threatening to fight them if they kept talking bad about themselves. Still, Patton had thought it was just dark humor, or maybe that his friend’s anxiety was playing up again. 

That was until Patton found him in his apartment that day. He had been worried since his best friend hadn’t come to work in a while. He had called multiple times, both as his boss and as a worried friend, but Virgil never picked up. One night Patton decided to stop by Virgil’s apartment. He rang the doorbell and knocked multiple times, but no answer. 

It was dark outside and the lights in Virgil’s apartment were turned off. Maybe Virgil was out? No that didn’t feel right. Virgil always left a light on if he left the house when it was dark to make possible burglars think someone was home. He always was cautious like that. Dread filled Patton’s stomach as he pulled thee spare key for Virgil’s apartment out of his pocket. Maybe Virgil asleep after a panic attack? Virgil usually never slept this early in the evening, but it was possible, right? 

Patton entered the dark and quiet apartment. The first thing he noticed was that Virgil must have cleaned up, as the living room was unusually tidy. Yet, a thin layer of dust seemed to have collected over all of Virgil’s prized possessions, like they had been laying there, untouched, for a while. 

Some sort of instinct told Patton to check the kitchen. The thin layer of dust following him everywhere he went. No dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter tops, no food in the fridge, not even a bag in the bin. It was as if nobody had been living here in a while. 

The uncomfortable feeling in Patton’s stomach grew with every new discovery. His mind racing to come up with logical solutions for Virgil’s sudden disappearance, that didn’t include the thing he feared most. Maybe Virgil had taken a holiday without telling anyone? And without canceling his work... and... Patton didn’t need Logan here to tell him that this was no way of logical thinking as Virgil would never do such a thing. The thing is, Patton also didn’t think Virgil would ever do the other thing his mind was gravitating towards. That was until he reached Virgil’s bathroom and saw the multiple boxes and bottles that once included his anxiety medication, and some pain medicine and something against depression. Patton’s eyes scanned over the labels while his heart and mind were in pieces over the fact that all the boxes and bottles were empty and he could only find one small pill laying on the tiled bathroom floor. Meaning the others must have been... 

Patton dropped the bottle he was holding as the realization hit him that there was no other possible explanation for all of this then the one he had feared from the start. He ran to Virgil’s bedroom, hoping that he wasn’t too late. That he could still call 911 and safe his friend. But his hope was in vain. 

Virgil lay haphazardly in his bed. His body stiff and cold. His skin was slightly blue from lack of oxygen, as he had drowned in his own foaming saliva, that had since dried on his chin and cheeks. The dark circles under his eyes extremely visible as he wasn’t wearing any make up to hide it and his purple fringe had fallen backwards over his head. Patton had fallen to his knees next to Virgil’s bed after seeing him like that. Nobody should ever have to see someone that broken, that desperate, that... dead. Patton had sat there, crying, for at least an hour before he could even think about calling the paramedics. 

He grabbed Virgil’s phone from the nightstand and unlocked it using the code that Virgil had told him only a week ago. ‘In case of an emergency’ he had said after telling Patton, who didn’t understand back then, but started to now. He wanted to use the phone to call 911 when he saw that Virgil had his notes app opened. The last note was called ‘Sorry’ and was last edited four days ago. Virgil had laid in that bed for four days and nobody noticed. If only Patton would have checked up on him sooner! It was the second sentence however that really broke Patton’s heart. ‘In case anyone really cares’.

Patton decided to make the necessary call before reading the note, he was sure that if he did it the other way around he wouldn’t be able to tell the dispatcher what had happened anymore. After the call he once again opened the notes app. 

‘Sorry.  
In case anyone really cares, which I doubt anyone still does. I’m sure it will just be a relief for most that they don’t have to pretend to like me anymore.  
Don’t worry, I made sure to clean up most of my mess, so you don’t have to.  
If you do really care, I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it anymore. Walking around constantly being afraid of my own shadow. I didn’t even feel like Virgil anymore. In the end. I was nothing more than just plain old Anxiety.  
-Anx’

The first month after that was extremely tough on Patton. He had kept Virgil’s phone as his parents hadn’t even wanted his stuff, well they did, but only to sell it for as much money as possible, profiting off of their own son’s death. Patton couldn’t believe how people could be like that, but it did make it a little easier for him to understand the way Virgil thought about himself. If his own parents didn’t even care, how could he ever believe someone else did? 

Every day Patton would walk into his little bakery early in the morning, but he was no longer greeted by someone sarcastically saying something about it being to early to be awake. The days would pass by in a blur, until it was time to go home again. 

Patton would talk to costumers, laugh with his friends who on bad days told him that, 

‘Virgil’s mind is at peace now, and I’m sure that he somewhere deep down knew how much you... we cared about him.’ - Roman

And 

‘This was Virgil’s choice, Patton. Since he never let us know something was wrong... there unfortunately is nothing we could have done for him.’ - Loman

Patton just knew that wasn’t true. there is always something that could have been done, and Patton hadn’t done it! It was eating on him more and more until it was near impossible to keep his smile up. Still he did. And just like with Virgil, nobody had any idea of the dark downwards spirals in Patton’s mind, not even when it started consuming his every thought. Not even when some of his jokes started to have self deprecating undertones. Had nobody learned from the past? Or didn’t they care enough to notice? 

That’s how Patton ended up here. He had thought about it for a long time and he realized that unlike Virgil’s, his parents would probably miss him. But he could live with this guilt. He just hoped nobody felt as guilty as he did after he was gone. He had left a more positive note at his home than the one he had found on Virgil’s phone, hoping that would do the trick. He was ready now. He had to do this. He had to...

“It’s a long way down you know.” A voice called out from behind him. 

Odd. Before Patton had turned around to look down at the water, there had been no one there on the bridge. He must have just not seen the stranger before. It didn’t really matter. He had just hoped nobody would have to see him so broken, so desperate, so much like Virgil had looked on laying dead in his bed. 

“Hey! Stop that!” The voice called out again as Patton started climbing over the railing. “Don’t, just don’t do that okay dude! I know life’s hard and all that, but this is not the answer!” 

“How would you know what would be the right thing for me to do right now.” Patton spat back through his tears. He had chosen to jump off a bridge so nobody would have to find his body on the pavement, or in his house, he didn’t want someone to know what he was doing. Why couldn’t the stranger just not care! Why didn’t he walk away!

“I don’t, but it’s not this, okay? As Patton didn’t respond the stranger started to advance on him. “It’s never this.”

Patton turned to look at him. He wasn’t sure why, as he didn’t even want him to be there, but something in him told him to look the stranger, who cared more than anyone else ever would. And so he did. The stranger wore a white shirt and white jeans, and white shoes and his skin was so light that it almost matched his odd choice in clothing. He was so white, that he almost seemed to glow a little. The only contrast being his dark brown hair and eyes. His face was sunken in, as if he hadn’t eaten properly in weeks. It was almost enough for Patton to go into full on dad mode to help the man who was trying to help him. The man spoke up again as Patton didn’t seem to get back from the railing. 

“Do you know those stories about guardian angels, or fallen angels, who protect people that are about to make the same mistake as they did? What would your guardian angel say about this?” Patton guessed the stranger was pulling out all the stops now, trying to guilt trip him, like he didn’t feel guilty already. However it was a lovely thought, having an angel looking out for you. It just wasn’t something Patton could make himself believe in at the moment. 

“I doubt I have one.”

“Everyone has one, just some are better in their jobs than others. And guess what? You’re stuck with me and I’m like terrible at my job, because you have already stepped over that railing, so I guess I’m even worthless in the afterlife.” 

“Look... I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And if you’re speaking the truth and you really want to help people you shouldn’t talk yourself down, just to lift the other up.” 

“Noted.” The stranger grimaced, probably already foreseeing what was about to happen.

“I’m sorry Virgil.” Patton whispered to himself before letting go of the railing and slowly falling back into the open air. 

“PATTON!” He heard the stranger yelling after him as he let go. He didn’t know how he would know his name. Maybe he really was a guardian angel, maybe they had met before somewhere? Maybe they had once changed each other’s lives for the better, or for the worse. Maybe this all could have been prevented, but Patton couldn’t see how. He just knew that this was the right thing to do for himself. As he hit the water, rather hard, he didn’t regret it. He just thought about how he could almost hear Virgil say that it wasn’t his fault as he was falling.


	2. Saved from drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised I’ve given this story a path towards a happy end! 
> 
> Spoiler: Patton’s alive!

“Do you know those stories about guardian angels, or fallen angels, who protect people that are about to make the same mistake as they did?” Their words were only met with silence. “Well that’s what I am! And maybe I couldn’t stop you from doing that to yourself... maybe I was too late, but I want to give you a reason to fight! Hang in there. Please don’t die. Don’t end up like me! You have so much to live for. So many people who care about you. They should be your reason to fight, your will to live! Please... don’t stop fighting. 

He opened his eyes to a brightly lit room. The walls were white, almost too white, like clinically white. He was laying in a bed that was not his own, the sheets too scratchy and the mattress too hard. He wasn’t comfortable, not at all. His throat hurt like crazy and he vaguely remembered the feeling of drowning, which could explain his pain very well. The rest of his body hurt as well. His libs stiff, like he had been laying still on this bed for a while. Still he couldn’t find it in himself to actually stretch his limbs just yet. Not before taking in more information about his current location. He had his suspicions, but he would have to actually look at something other than the ceiling, to be sure. 

The bright white ceiling had almost made him believe that he had actually made it to heaven, but this wasn’t heaven. No heaven didn’t have beeping machines and needles stuck in your arm. At least that’s what he thought, as he never had really seen heaven. No he was pretty sure he was in hell... or well... a hell on earth. A hospital. 

Why was he in a hospital? What had happened? Images of past experiences flowing through his head, ending with someone calling out his name. He wasn’t sure if it was true or if it had been some kind of lucid dream. He guessed both as he probably wouldn’t be here if none of it had been true. That, and his throat still hurt like crazy. He wanted to cough, but he just needed a little longer to take in his surroundings in peace.

He turned his head and was met with ‘get well soon’ cards. One of them he recognized from the bakery, it was hand made and read; ‘Get well soon, we miss you and we loaf you very much!’ A simple black card with white letters and an extravagant red card were also placed on the table next to him. There were some more cards, but they weren’t as important, a small yellow card and a white card, made out of printer paper, that read ‘Too young to sleep (forever)’ still brought him a smile, though. 

His gaze continued downwards where he saw a figure sitting in a small chair. Just like his bed, it didn’t look very comfortable. The man was wearing glasses and a familiar t-shirt. Wasn’t that the shirt he borrowed a while ago? The one with the cat silhouette on the front pocket. Knowing him, it probably was. He was asleep, his head slumped forward and his glasses almost falling off of his face. 

What time was it anyway? His eyes made their way up, searching until he found the clock on the wall. 10 ‘o clock, probably in the evening as it seemed to be dark outside. The more important question was probably, ‘What day is it?’ But the clock couldn’t answer that question for him. 

He closed his eyes as the voices in the hallway started to grow louder and he was just in time as soon after the door to his room opened. Two people making their way inside. 

“Patton? Padre? Please wake up.” One of them said quietly, so unlike his usual boisterous voice. 

“You don’t really believe that is able to wake anyone up do you?” The other person said sarcastically.

“Well you told me to be considered of other people in the hospital and not talk too loudly!” The first voice was louder now and the second person sighed. He probably raised his eyebrow after hearing the other yell back at him that he was working on being quiet. 

Footsteps could be heard going deeper into the room, probably towards the person sleeping in the chair, followed by the rustling of clothes as the sleeping body was shaken awake. 

“Huh what? Is he awake?!” A third voice said. He was sure it was the man in the chair. 

“No, not yet.” The voice sounded worried, but the man in the bed wasn’t sure if he was worried for him, or for the man in the chair. “You should take a break. I am going to drive you home where you can get a proper nights rest.”

“But what if he wakes up!”

“Inside voice!” He sighed “It’s like I’m dealing with a bunch of kindergartners here.” There was a small pause as he collected himself.  
“If he wakes up Roman will be right here.” 

“You heard it, I’ll be taking night duty today!”

“Please don’t fight us on this. You’ve been here nonstop for 4 days now. You need to go home, take a shower, sleep and eat something that’s not made in a hospital cafeteria.” 

“Okay... but if he wakes up-“

“You’ll be the first to know.” 

Two people left and the room was quiet again. He wanted nothing more than to continue exploring his surroundings and stretch his body, but now the other person in the room was definitely awake and probably even staring at him. Why couldn’t he just have it in himself to let the other see that he was awake? He had to open his eyes sometime! He couldn’t just lay in a hospital bed for the rest of his life! What an idiot he was that he isn’t even able to open his eyes in front of his friends! Was he really that useless?! Yes, yes he was! His friend were probably better off if he had just died...

The beeping on the machine grew faster and a little louder, as his own thoughts were quickly driving him into a panic attack, but luckily for him, he was not alone. Not today.

“Holy sh- cra- cow! What the?” Roman spoke up as he noticed the rhythmic sounds of the machine change. “What’s happening. Are you having a nightmare? Heart attack?” Roman wasn’t sure why he would ask, it’s not like his comatose friend would actually answer him- wait! Did Roman just imagine that or did the person in front of him just shook his head. “Panic attack?” He guessed to see if his friend was actually answering him, or if he was just seeing things. Okay now he definitely nodded. “You’re awake?” Another nod. “Sure you’re not just sleep talking to me?” The man in the bed huffed, somehow he managed to be annoyed in his panicked state, but when wasn’t he annoyed at Roman? 

“Okay, Okay. Can you like, try to breathe normally? Or?” The man nodded again, his partly silent conversation with Roman calming him down tremendously, as he didn’t have to panic about whether the other knew if he was awake or not, if the other knew he was awake. He hadn’t died. He had failed once again. But his failure had kept him from falling and taking others with him in his fall. 

“Can you... can you open your eyes, Virgil?” Roman asked as the beeping had returned to a more normal tempo. But Virgil didn’t answer. He had already drifted back to sleep, his body needing to preserve energy for recovery. 

When he opened his eyes again the room was as dark as the world outside his window. 

“Ro? Roman are you still awake?” There was no answer, as a tired Roman was trying to make up his mind on whether he had actually heard Virgil speak to him or he had just imagined it, like the other 20 times after he realized that Virgil had been awake. “...Okay never mind... sleep well.”

“No, wait. I’m awake.”

“What time is it?” 

“Around four in the morning.”

“Okay... hey Ro?”

“Yeah?”

“You should be asleep.” 

“You’re one to speak, you don’t sleep for weeks and then suddenly decide to take a four day nap, wake up, have a panic attack, and fall asleep again!” 

“Sorry.” 

“You should be. You scared the shit out of us!” 

“I...”

“But we’re sorry too, Virgil. I know I can’t speak for the others, but I’m gonna do it anyway. We should have known something was bothering you more than usual, we should have seen your anxiety and depression worsen, we should have heard the pain behind your jokes, but we were too busy believing everything was just peachy to see what was going on behind those big doe eyes of yours.” 

“Roman...”

“You know... after Patton found you... and the paramedics had stepped in. Just in time I might add! As we... as I was definitely not ready to lose my best friend yet! We talked about how we could have missed it for hours. And we realized that we hadn’t missed it at all. We just didn’t want to see... But things will be different from now on! We’re going to be there for you, no matter what!” 

“Thank you... you didn’t have to say all that you know...” 

“I know... but sometimes people need a reminder that there’s other people out there that care for them.” Virgil was ready to let the silence that followed stretch on and fall asleep again, but Roman decided this conversation wasn’t over yet. “Speaking of, your dad called”

“Ugh. What did he want?” Virgil huffed, throwing his head as far back into the pillows as possible.

“Wanted to get some of your stuff. Patton got absolutely furious and I sold him your tv for a hundred bucks after I remembered you mentioned it broke down a few months ago.”

“Good.” Both men chuckled for a little. 

“You should have seen Patton’s face, when I told your father he could buy it from me! If you weren’t fighting for your life at that moment he surely would have killed me!” 

They talked on like that until the first nurse entered Virgil’s room that morning. Making Virgil crawl back in his shell a bit. Their conversation temporarily stopped and after the nurse left the atmosphere remained a bit tense. 

“Hey Virge?” Roman asked suddenly.

“Yeah?”

“I know you hate phone calls but... I promised Patton I’d call as soon as you woke up.”

“Well you didn’t really do that huh, did you?”

“Give me a break it was four in the morning and Patton hadn’t had a good nights sleep in four days.”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway... I was wondering if you wanted to call him instead.” Roman said handing over his phone to Virgil. “I’m sure he would appreciate it.” He said hopeful, but Virgil had already pressed on Patton’s contact and put the phone next to his ear. 

“Is he awake?! Did something happen?! Should I get back to the hospital.” A panicked voice spoke over the loudspeaker of the phone, causing Roman to chuckle fondly before nodding encouragingly towards Virgil. 

Before he could answer however they heard another voice coming from the phone. “Patton, please calm down, you’re going to wake up the entire street. I am certain, nothing too bad happened.” Logan tried to calm Patton down. Virgil raised an eyebrow as if to ask Roman if they had actually slept together, or if he was just imagining things, but Roman looked just as surprised as he was.

“Oh no, something terrible happened.” Virgil said in all seriousness and both Patton and Logan were not awake enough to register that it was Virgil saying that to them, which would mean Virgil was actually awake. 

“I’m on my way, just gotta find my keys and I’ll be right there! What has happened! Please tell me you’re alive! ...” Patton brain finally caught up to him and he realized his mistake. “Virgil! You’re awake!! Logan!!! Virgil’s awake!!!! Everything is going to be alright!!!!!!” 

Virgil sighed while handing the phone back to Roman. Everything is going to be alright... well maybe not everything, but most is. And that’s everything Virgil could have ever wished for. 

It’s funny when you think about it. Just a few days ago, Virgil had decided that it wasn’t worth it and that his friends never really cared about him. But now his guardian angel had shown him what would have happened if Patton had been too late, and now that all his friends would gather around his hospital bed. He knew how much they cared about him, and how much he had to live for.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry!!
> 
> I fucking almost cried while writing this...
> 
> I decided that I will write a second chapter to give this story somewhat of a happy ending, as I just can’t get myself so far as to end it here. 
> 
> But damn, where did I suddenly get all this angst from?!


End file.
